I am not myself anymore.

I look in the mirror and I do not recognize the person I see.
Kyle touches me and my body has become so insensitive to intimacy that I do not feel a thing.
I am numb.
I haven’t truly laughed in a long time, why should I, it’s much more easier to cry.
I am pushing and pushing and screaming and screaming and no one moves or no one turns around to see what all the fuss is about. They just keep walking. I want to be heard.

Mom, you need to take some responsibility for my eating disorder. After all, it is you who have plugged weight, calories, and cholesterol into my brain since I was seven. God forbid your thin child put on a pound. You can’t lose your weight so you want me to be pencil thin. I cannot put on some college weight without it being pointed out the second I go home.

Kyle, I am pushing you away. I do not know why but I am looking for any excuse for you to leave me. Yes, I’m interested in other guys, but not the way I am interested in you. I don’t trust you and you’ve given me no reason to. Can’t you just leave and make this easier on the both of us? I do not deserve you, I am too much work, I am too broken, and I cannot be fixed. I don’t want to hurt you but it almost feels inevitable. I may be bored but I am so unhappy with myself right now that I cannot feel anything anymore. I cannot feel desire; I am not strong enough to hold you when you need to lean on me. I cannot reassure you anymore.

I just want to ball into a ball and let the world pass me by.
Forget.

Well it's getting colder and you're getting distant
and I just keep thinkin
that I never meant it to be like this(to be like this)
You know what comes next(so do I)
You’re begging for a way to gracefully bow out
and say goodnight

It's worse than you think
On your way home, you should have known
you never listen to me
I’m only complaining to keep myself busy, sweetie
I’m only complaining to keep myself busy, sweetie
I can’t say I blame you
but I wish that I could
I’m sick of writing every song about you

Don't call my name out your window, I'm leaving